Deep fried frog legs please.

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Dating sucks!

It is definitely not for the faint at heart. And above all else, you must have a stellar sense of humor. No one ever tells you when you are a young starry eyed girl reading tales of Prince Charming how tough it is. If you only had to deal with frogs, it would be a much more pleasant process. Unfortunately, frogs are the least of your worries. Try stupid. Try perverted. Try idiot. Try God's curse who thinks he's God's gift.

Please, give me a frog. I'll take one of those please.

Why I am single, and perhaps why you are too.

I guess since Valentine's Day has just passed people are starting to write the elusive "Why are you Single" article. Like every single woman, I read hoping to find some new insight into my quest for love. Hoping to find something practical that I can start doing right now, and Mr. Right (ala George Clooney) will show up at my door. We will fall madly in love and live happily ever after (until Hugh Jackman shows up).

As I have read this last batch of articles (that never seem to apply to me) I thought, who better to evaluate why I am single, than me. So following is my take on the subject:

I am single because:

I am either too picky or just not that desperate - Too picky always seems to be the party line of people trying to explain why you are single. I am still not quite sure what that’s suppose to mean. You have to deal with the choices you are given right? So what are they saying? Should I give the men over 65 a chance that like to hit on me? Sorry but I have a no gator, no linen suit policy. Although I have never really had a relationship with either of my grandfathers, its safe to say I don't have Grand Daddy issues and therefore am not looking for a Grand Father figure in my man.

I have no clue where I am suppose to meet men: Through friends? Well none of my friends have friends to set me up with and since a good percentage of us are single girls, I think if we knew an eligible bachelor, we’d keep him for ourselves. Work? Well I am a teacher. If there is one thing I’ve learned in my years in the profession is this male teachers fall into three categories: married, gay or whores. Sometimes 2 of 3. Sometimes a trifecta.

BlackSingles, BlackPeopleMeet, Match.com,eHarmony, enough said: Online dating was novel in 1999, before the masses had computers. There use to be a weeding out process, it was called a computer with Internet connection. Now they just let any fool buy a computer and you can get Internet for free just by walking into a library. If the selection of men on some of these websites (especially BlackPeopleMeet) is any indication of the dating pool, single is where I need to be.

Cell phones: Perhaps if I look up from texting , Facebooking or checking email, long enough, I will make eye contact with my soul mate and we’ll live happily ever after. This however is contingent upon him looking up from his phone at the exact same instance I look up from mine. Seriously though, do people even meet each other out in the streets, the old fashion way anymore? Do people even noticed the person sitting next to them in the bar or on the airplane or in the line at the store? And then if you do happen to connect, do you actually have a relationship with that person or their handheld device?

I flat out refuse to date: It's like they say with the lottery, if you don’t play you cant win right? And just like the lottery dating, isn’t something I can afford to invest in right now. I know I know, its only a buck a week but in 52 weeks that's $52. Do you know how many cups of coffee I can get for that? Same with dating. (that one didn't make a lot of sense, but I like it)

So much like the other articles, this article brings me no aha's. George hasn't knocked on my door. At the end I really believe its about timing and luck. I don't believe that women who are in relationships are so much more together or enlightened or less picky than me. I think their timing and luck just merged at the right time.

All I can do is keep on living and loving my life and not text so much when I am out and about and who knows, perhaps one day I'll notice a nice/hot guy noticing me. I'll give him my cell phone number and we'll text each other across the room and see where things lead. :-)

Just had to share

Seperated at Birth?

I really don't like slang

From time to time I become a Facebook voyeur and I look at different people's pages to see what kind of messages other people leave them. I recently read one where the person ended his message with, "holla," and I literally cringed.

I have another friend that instead of saying good bye or good nite when we are chatting he will type in "holla." What is that? It would be okay if he were like, I don't know, 20 but this fool is 42 years old. Why do grown ass men feel the need to talk like children.

Another Peter Pan individual who I dated briefly would drive me crazy. He would say things like, "bet" which I guess means, "okay" or "that works for me." And then he would say, "hit me up" which means "call me." UGH! Again, okayfor 20 but Peter Pan was 36.

I guess I don't have an aversion to all slang. I am the first one to say something sucks or accuse someone of being a hater. But I don't know some of this other stuff just sounds stupid to me. It just sounds like the person is trying to be cool or hip and its just wrong.

I can't even begin to explain why it bothers me so much. I don't know perhaps I am just a stick in the mud. I can accept that.

The year I officially stopped dating

It's no mystery to people who love me that it is my heart's desire to meet a wonderful man whose crazy ying works perfectly with my crazy yang and the two of us can build a life together and have babies that we could try our hardest not to mess up or at least make sure they aren't as messed up as us.

I know I am not perfect. I know I have my issues and problems and I know I am not the most beautiful girl in the world. In the room yes. In the world, probably not. Whatever the case, I would have never thought in a million years that finding a quality man would be such a difficult task.

The year 2009 has by far been the craziest dating story year ever.

It started in January with the journalist that a few hours before our first date, he sent me a text message breaking up with me saying, "Toya I think we should move on and see other people. It's not you its me." Funny because since it was just our first day, I was under the impression that we were already seeing other people. He was absolutely right. It wasn't me, it was definitely him.

Then there was the classmate with the white shoes who seemed quite awe struck by my beauty. We flirted for weeks and then one evening he proclaimed is affection towards me. I found it adorable and quite flattering. We chatted, exchanged emails and even shared a romantic kiss or two. Although he never confirmed it, his silences to my accusation of him being married (because of his unavailability), confirmed it. We never spoke again.

Next came Wing Man. We had met a few years earlier but never went out. When we met up again he approached me as a friend and offered to go out with me as my "wing man" to help me get out and meet other men. He would always call and ask me out, pick me up, and pick up the tab when we hung out. He did the things a man would do when he is dating a woman. A week later he professed that he wanted to "date" me. He said he had felt that he was given a second chance with me and did not want to mess it up. After I agreed to "date" he suddenly got busy and unavailable. Several months later he explained that he got the impression that I was looking for something serious and did not want anyone to get hurt. When I expressed that an adult conversation would have been more appropriate he sheepishly agreed.

My next experience was so wonderfully bad that it deserved a blog of its own.

Then came the last week of November and the first week of December. I had 3, yes 3 dates cancel on me in two weekends. The hot guy with the hot body, the one I really liked, canceled because of work. He asked if we could reschedule for later in the week. I suggested he call me to work out the details and we've never spoken since.

The African, canceled because he was too tired after a day of Black Friday shopping. Instead of rescheduling, he popped up on IM a couple of times to basically share how busy he was taking care of his 14 year old son. He has since been blocked

The there was the Stupid Sheriff. Excuse me the Stupid Deputy Sheriff. We agreed that we would meet on Saturday and he was to call me Thursday for details. I never heard from him until the following Tuesday and instead of explaining his flakiness he simply texted me a Tiger Woods joke. He followed up his dumb text with two other texts reading, "Hey!!!! How are you?" When I didn't reply he texted again asking if he had scared me off. I took this opportunity to share with him why I was no longer interested. He proceeded to use the family matters card, apologized and told me I deserve better. He is absolutely right. I most certainly do.

So here we are less than three weeks away from a New Year 2010. Every year I find myself wondering what will this year bring. Will this be the year I meet my partner, my mate. I can honestly say 2009 has cured me. I am done. Over and out!

In the Twilight Zone

Very rarely does a movie come along that is soooooo bad that I find myself obsessed with its flaws. Even more rarely does said movie make a bizillion dollars opening weekend. New Mood is that movie. A movie that is so bad, I was inspired to share my thoughts, insights and takeaways.

Belle and her age obsession - seriously what is the message we are sending here? An 18 year obsessed with the fact that she is getting old. And what makes her feel this way? The fact that her 100 plus year old boyfriend stopped aging at 17 because he is DEAD. Belle stresses over the fact that she will get old and aged and pasty boy will always look 17. Can we find a more pressing relationship issue to obsess about? How about the fact the you will never have children with this man? How about the fact that you and your boyfriend can't take a romantic trip together to Hawaii because, he will sparkle in the sun. How about the fact that anytime you cut yourself you have to worry that he or his family might want to drain you. I'm sorry Belle, your 18 years of youth pale (no pun intended) in comparison to your bigger problems.


My big take away message from this movie was women have to choose between dogs or bloodsuckers. Which is the lesser of two evils? When faced with a dilemma like that, I say go with the one with the best abs.

Speaking of best abs, why in God's name did the writer/director/producer, whoever decide to have Edward take off his shirt and show off his scrawny pasty body? Especially after Jacob's shirt was not only off but it was off for most of the movie. Note: if you are going to show the wack chest, show it BEFORE you show the hot one. You have to build. The chests should get better, not worse.


Speaking of hot chest, the scene when its raining and Belle goes to Jacob's house and Jacob walks by shirtless bulging muscles and ripped abs. And its raining and its all hot and sexy. What does Belle say? "You cut your hair?" What?? Is that the first thing you noticed? I was thinking more, "F#@% ME NOW!!!" But that's just me.




So to recap, Jacob hot, Edward not, Belle annoying, New Mood, stupid.